I Cried Today - Fall Reflections

I cried today, and it was over nothing really.  David and I had taken a late afternoon walk at the sports complex close to our house.  As we approached the maple lined curve of the walking track, I noticed the leaves at the very tops of the trees had begun to turn red while the lower leaves on each one remained green.

Standing there gazing at the beginnings of the fall beauty, I became acutely aware of how fast this change would progress.  In the space of just a few weeks, the entire tree would become engulfed in fiery red brilliance, and then in the blink of an eye, the leaves would turn a crunchy brown and fall to the ground leaving the spindly branches naked.

As the life of the tree passed before my mind’s eye, a tender sadness squeezed my chest and tears stung my eyes.  I could see that the tree was much like me.  The signs of turning are only at the top as of now, but when I lean in close to the mirror and study the gray hairs and the lines around my eyes, I understand how quickly they have come to be and how quickly the cycle will progress. 

Why, wasn’t it just yesterday that my brother and I were playing in the yard riding our bicycles round and round the house wearing a path in the grass oblivious to the fact that it was dusk and Mama was calling us in to supper?  The next thing I knew I’d turned a corner, and middle age was upon me.  Married thirty-three years, two grown sons, a grandson, and a granddaughter on the way. 

I look at my parents now, and though it seems they’ve grown old overnight, I realize that it’s been happening all along.  Seeing them needing our help, my heart breaks with love for them.  When my son was my grandson’s age, Mama and Daddy were the age I am now. Somehow thinking of it in this way brings the whole of the process into view. If I measure out the time it took to get from there to here, I can clearly see how short the stick is that measures out the future. Time is having his way with us all.

Some days I wish I could go back again and be that little girl sitting in the pew on Sunday by Mama.  She would reach over and hold my hand, and I would feel safe and loved.

Yes, I cried today.  But it was over nothing.  Really.